Spending Time With Them
By Mike Cheney
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7
When I was asked about writing an article on the subject of bringing up children, I was told it could take the form of instruction (how to do it) or simply telling my story (wrong turns and all.) Since I am in no way qualified to teach any other father about raising his children I will just tell you what has happened in my own life.
Having done much soul searching in the months leading to my 40th birthday (the summer of ’97) it occurred to me that the majority of my adult life had been spent “at work” dealing with things that were generally not important; but were urgent in the eyes of other people. I am sure that the daily trials of my former career as a commercial real estate manager/advisor are not much different from those of other men.
On many days, my mind was still at the office well after I arrived at home. My wife used to tell me that on good days I was only distracted. On not so good days, I was irritable and rather unpleasant company. Instead of feeling a genuine sense of peace and joy from my children’s greetings, my wife preparing dinner, and the other sounds of home and hearth, I only went through the motions. I was physically present but mentally and spiritually absent. I was caught up in the very enticing world of business with its client lunches, golf games (we lived in Scottsdale, Arizona where golf is part of the cycle of life), business trips and pursuing the next “deal”. The more I committed to that world, the more it demanded of me. Many years passed before I realized that I had placed my wife and children (gifts God gave me) second in line behind my own selfish interests. I could not remain in this state of mind for long because the guilt and accompanying stress were overpowering. I could not seem to reconcile the demands of my career with the commands from the Lord to be the head of my family. It was easier to default to the career and that is what I did.
Later that year, and mostly out of frustration, I walked away from a 20-year “career path.” I gave up money, position, and everything that went with them: long hours, stress, and feeling like a stranger in my own home. My faith was tiny (about half the size of a mustard seed) so I needed the Lord to show me the way. He did! I gained time for my family and a more relaxed and fulfilling life. Today, God provides for our financial needs with a hot dog stand in downtown Denver (no kidding), a real estate brokerage that we operate from our home, and the work we do for CHEC. Most importantly, He has been turning the hearts of my wife and children toward me and mine toward them. I took a step, in fear and driven more out of frustration than on faith, and have been rewarded beyond measure. There is more time to live for today because I no longer wish tomorrow would get here more quickly. The time I spend with my children does not involve anything monumental; just morning Bible reading and prayers, reviewing their schoolwork, family walks around the neighborhood, and playing games at the dining room table. We just spend time together. We are by no means a perfect family. We have the same bumps, bruises, and warts as everyone else. Anyone who knows me also knows that I need constant supervision and correction from the Lord. He is changing my focus from being a breadwinner who sometimes acts like a father to being a father who also brings home the bacon.
He reassures me through the small, consistent steps of progress I see in my children’s lives. Our life has been a process of falling forward and getting up and going again.
If the symptoms I describe above seem all too familiar, I invite you to fall on your face before the Lord. He is faithful and He will direct your path!
I cannot close without telling you about the benefit of one other “sacrifice” I made a few years ago. We gave up our television set because I lacked the discipline to shut it off. I have since learned that the best thing on TV cannot compare to the value of the memories I make with my children when they have their father’s undivided attention.
Mike Cheney and his wife, Roxie, are the parents of Annie (16) and Corey (11) and have been homeschooling for 12 years. Mike serves as the Operations Director for CHEC.
